Jesus H. Ross (Perot)

rofl I was following links due to some Yahoo! article and found out about this book: On Wings of Eagles, which (according to it’s wiki for everyone too lazy to click and read it on their own, Adam) is about how some workers in one of Ross Perot’s company got arrested for bribery, so he “recruits a team of volunteers from his executives, led by a retired United States Army officer, to break them out by force, if necessary.”

This is a non-fiction book.

Perot, it appears, is also from Texarkana, a place I didn’t know actually existed outside of the song “East Bound and Down”.  I wish I would have voted for him back when he was running for President and I was underage and couldn’t vote.  From everything I know about the man–which comes from Dana Carvey impressions and the Wikipedia to some crazy-ass book, he’s like a funnier, less stupid (but maybe more crazy?) version of the Texan we did end up with.  He has five billion dollars!  And spawned some of the most memorable All That sketches of all time.

All That was a terrible Nickelodeon version of MadTV, which itself is the phail version of Saturday Night Live, but for whatever reason I watched All That ALL THE TIME.  I am hilariously well versed in the cast members of All That, from noticing the fat girl when she had a small part in Dodgeball, to having huge crushes on the unfunny girl. (Link provided because that could have been ANYONE ON THE SHOW.)  So when Knuckle Puck got moved up from All That to Saturday Night Live a few years back, that incident was unequivocally the funniest thing he’s ever been part of.  Who was behind that crappy decision?

Garrosh Hellscream is a moron.

Obama was on Letterman last night, and said something I really liked–”Some of the things I discovered about being president.  If there was an easy answer, someone would have solved it and it wouldn’t get to my desk.”  lol that’s super true and funny

In Hell’s Kitchen: Bay City news, I was trying to cook some type of bullshit when I totally burned my hand.  I didn’t think much of it until it blistered up, causing a Tommy Boy-esque chain reaction of…

Jesus Christ, what happened to your hand?!

…at work.  Thankfully, since I work at the hospital, I got every nurse ever’s burn remedy.

I no longer have that hand.

Kerby’s Juleptown

Bar Uses Breathalyzer to Encourage Drinking

25 Animals Drinking

The Zombie Electric

So The Beatles: Rock Band came out.  It’s gotten a crazy amount of press, from being played by Conan AND Kathie Lee to features on CNN and CNN’s Ashlee Simpson, Headline News!

It comes with an awesome replica of Ringo’s Ludwig drumset.

I've got a hole in me pocket!

The Devil is in.

Yes, we redid our hallway. No, you did not ask.

Of course the colors.

And Sir Paul's Hofner

Lots of people have asked me, ‘do you have to buy the instruments?’

Well, Sir Paul is my favorite, and I love the Hofner.  I almost bought one a couple of years ago for like $1800–but it was $1800.  Replica Hofner…always more money in the world…so to answer the question…

No, you don’t have to.  Yes, I do.

So it’s the Best Game Evar.  It’s also the saddest game ever, as Dhani kind of touches on in the Conan clip.  John and George are so well done, that it’s hard not to miss them, and you don’t get  Uncanny Valley‘d at all.  I was sad playing The End.  As someone who wasn’t even alive when John Lennon was killed, that’s kind of weird.  It’s caused me to kick my Wii and call it a fag in a knee-jerk male antiemotional fit like four times now.

This kid was talking to her mom in the restaurant today and when something about The Beatles came on the telly, they started talking about them and this ten year old girl knew all of their names.  And two of them are gone now, but at least we have video games?  lol

Everyone knows Ringo is going to be the Last Man Standing.  Lucky, crappy Ringo.  rofl

Update your iTunes to 9.0.

Kars, KenKen and HOFNERHOFNERHOFNER

Went to the Nissan dealer t’other day, probably going to be the owner of a Nissan Cube in the next couple of days!  Win-win-win.

Funny story.  Talked to EF and when I said I was interested in Nissans, he said, “I bet it’s the Cube and I bet I know why.”

Me: O RLY.  Why’s that.

EF: The back window.  It’s super Asian.

Me: God damn it.  You’re right.  FML.

If you haven’t gotten on the bus, check out KenKen!  It’s the newest Asian number puzzle game to sweep the nation.  Fuck you, sudoku!  You may have seen it in your local paper, except that local papers DON’T EXIST ANYMORE.  I blame Druids somehow.  4×4, 5×5, 6×6 are easy-peasy…7×7 good luck with all that, Mr. Dictionary.

In Hofner Madness news, the 45th Beatles Rock Band song is a super sekret surprize!!!  With knowledge of the 44 other tracks, what do you guess it will be?

UPDATE: My guess is now Free As A Bird.

The Beatles

So I am a huge Beatles fan.  Hilariously, the first album I ever heard was the crappy soundtrack to Magical Mystery Tour with weird-ass Blue Jay Way and the instrumental Flying.  (Any good, self-respecting band has an instrumental on at least one album.  Words are for suckers.  See also YYZ, Hamburger Train.)

9/9/09 becomes, then, an especially poignant date for myself and any Beatles fans, as it is the release of the latest digital remastering of all their albums and The Beatles: Rock Band.  HofnerHofnerHofner!!!!!11!!1

However, most redundant game title evar.  It’s like going to my favorite restaurant, Rib Joint: BBQ Place, with my friend Mario Mario.  The Beatles are THE penultimate rock band, in fact the original Rock Band should just be called The Beatles: Artists Other Than.  So The Beatles: Rock Band actual title?  The Beatles: The Beatles.

Excited for the game?  I sure am.

Anyone who says they don’t like The Beatles are either liars or members of the mindless undead (aka The Rolling Stones)…nah, The Stones are good, but are you going to go out and buy The Beatles: The Rolling Stones?   NO SIR.  (I would buy The Beatles vs. The Rolling Stones Shodown III: The Who Sings My Generation Turbo, though.)

For every band I’m a fan of, that’s another 3-5 goofballs I don’t know the names of.  But these guys, I know all four of them.  Most people do.  If you’ve been alive at all in the last 40 years, you know at least ONE Beatles’ name.  The FERAL WOLF GIRL has a signed picture of Ringo.  THE FUCKING WOLF GIRL.  Almost everyone knows one of the iconic concerts they’ve played, too–Shea Stadium, The Ed Sullivan Show,  the Apple Corps. rooftop.  Aerosmith, Metallica, and Van Halen–all of which have shitty single band games–don’t have that type of mythology (?), and that’s why they faiblow (fail and blow).  If it weren’t for the band’s name, I wouldn’t know one god-damned member of Van Halen and I thought Jefferey Metallica was the bass player for those idiots.  I wikied them AND I STILL DO.

What other bands are worthy of a compleat game?